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Wednesday, 5 May 2010

Frustration and Impatience

I am my own worst enemy! Well, anyone who knows me well knows that!

I have no patience at all. If I want something; I want it right now! If I can't do something, I get absolutely furious with myself and shout at everyone!

I get frustrated so easily too, which I guess ties it all in together.

Someone I follow on twitter summed it up perfectly, her twitter name is Bahtocancer and as you can guess she is currently going through chemotherapy. She said: 'It astonishes me that I can 'do' cancer but am reduced to tears by a problem setting up pages on my website.'.

I know exactly what she means for I'm that way myself. I can cope with injuries to the kids, pets, emergencies, whatever - but stupid things drive me absolutely WILD!

I started selling yarn this week. I spent a happy couple of afternoons throwing dye around and ended up with 19 skeins (two of which were a custom order from Kerry). It was great and I loved the results.

I then spent hours uploading everything to my Folksy shop (Folksy takes aaaaaaaaaages!) and announced that the shop was ready to the masses that were waiting - ok....not 'masses' exactly....more like Kerry, Diane and Rita! But they were there waiting on twitter and it was all sooooooooo exciting!

Well, they each bought something - thank you, ladies, loves ya! - and I packaged it all up for posting this morning.

Then today, I decided I really should create a spreadsheet detailing my incoming and outgoing where the shop is concerned. I fought with the damn thing for two hours! Everytime I entered in the SUM formula thingy, I just got a red triangle!

I went and yelled at everyone on twitter and the troops rallied and we eventually got it sorted, but the fact that I swear I entered that stupid forumla countless times and it didn't work for two hours enraged me!

So, this afternoon, I sat down and did some spinning to relax. That all went well, then the announcement came out that advertising slots were available on Ravelry. I thought that would be a really good idea so went along to have a look.

I had to register for advertising and then upload my banner - it refused my banner because it was the incorrect size. I've finally managed to adjust it to a different size, but it didn't load as I was looking at it - I just had a box with grey and white stripes!

My banner is naff anyway. I can't design for toffee and I just don't understand how to manipulate the image for different websites - why the hell can't the sites just change the banner automatically for you? I can't even get the Folksy one to not look all warped and stretched!

I'd love to have my own site - but last time I even considered it, I got so angry at all the technical babble the 'build your own sites' sites threw at me, that I gave up with a pounding headache!

Someone said 'go to college and learn what you want to know' but it doesn't stay in my head! The kids think I'm hysterical; I'll sit and play a game on the x-box and I'll spend an hour going round in circles totally oblivious to the fact that I'm actually lost!

If I don't write it down, I forget it! Everything goes into my phone with an alarm to remind me. I've been known to look at my diary at 10am, see there's an appointment at midday and then promptly forget about the appointment.

I'm clumsy and I knock things over all the time!

But I get soooo frustrated at myself and my limitations!

It's taken me over a week to get over Wonderwool. I was so exhausted, then I had the vertigo attack and fell on the stairs. I finally recovered and got on with the dyeing. I spent a couple of hours at a time in the kitchen, but it still made my back ache!

Yesterday, I sat down to reskein the yarn. Unfortunately, Mum's skeiner didn't want to play and everything kept tightening as I turned it, so I gave up with that and decided to wind the yarn around the legs of my largest table from my nest of tables.

I wound 17 of the skeins. It took all day and by the end of it, I was exhausted and my back was in agony.

Some of the muscles under my shoulders are still in spasm today.

That's not right. None of it!

I'm 34 years old! Not 68 like my Mum (who is probably more physically able than I am!), I shouldn't have to rest for a couple of hours after running the vacuum around downstairs. I shouldn't suffer pain from standing for more than ten minutes.

I shouldn't spend a week or more recovering from being on my feet for a couple of days!

I'm amazed I remember how to breathe!


  1. Oh honey :( I know exactly how you feel about having to rest all the time. I pack a couple of boxes and I need to sit down. I went into town for two hours and I had to have a nap coz I was so exhausted. I hate it. I can't even use the hoover coz I can't push it around, its just too heavy :( Poor us, I send you hugs xxx

  2. Face it. You have a lot of your plate of life. I think it is perfectly reasonable that mental and emotion fatigue transfers to the physical.

    Annoying as all hell, though.

  3. Wonderwool was totally exhausting and you push yourself too hard, although I understand why.

    People learn different things easily and others struggle. You might not be great with computers but you make damn fine yarn (and chocolate cake).

  4. Honey, I just read ALL of your profile. Give yourself a break. So what if you get frustrated, so what if you swear? I do all of those and I know I am a nice person. I truly believe you are too. I can totally relate to everything you say in this post. I dont get the tiredness but do not have your physical limitations. The rest, so with you on them. Your yarn is wonderful, you are wonderful. The only thing I think you need to do, is BE NICE TO YOURSELF
    Hugz Joy xx
    p.s still waiting for the cake

  5. as knitcave says wonderwool was very tiring for all of us. You do fantastically and can't be wonder woman for everything me dear, just most of it:) I'm spreadsheet challenged which was extremely difficulty in my last job. Went on several courses and still failed dismally with them